Friday, May 29, 2009
♥
it wasn't supposed to be like this. they had dinner and movie tgt, they just put the same pm on their msn. why do i feel so outcasted, so neglected? i guess i'm not used to being in the crowd. yeah, i guess. most probably is like this. woh, my heart went pangg when i saw their PMs. i chose to leave the hmm, "clique" , and i wun want to regret it yeah. and i think sh, mx and cy are great friends. (: it's just that i don't really know them v v well . and not that close bah..
cy said that i'm very sensitive towards that kind of thing.. i feel neglected when they talk among themselves or bahbahbah. k , so maybe i shd go consult a psychiatrist? and perhaps i will be diagnosed with some mental problem that requires immediate attention. or perhaps i will feel the same way with SMC and isolate myself totally from the class. and wow, that's so cool. but this sensitive can't be helped, i can't control my sensitiveness, nor control the following emotions.
sometimes i just feel like locking myself up at home and stay in here forever . i don't want to face all the problems out there. i don't want to feel sad, frustrated, disappointed and whatever that comes. Just like a hermit, which hides in its shell whenever a problem comes. A humji coward. Lol. i really think i am that humji fellow. i'm scareddd. and yeah, what do i have for them to call me lao da? haha. none la. lol.
life is full of ups and downs. but why my life is full of downs that i never wanted and never the ups that i desire?
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
♥ make a decision
i am very sad now. i don't feel "belonged" in th clique right from the start. it's just that i forgot about this uncomfortable-ness when we began to joke ard . but now , i really sense the problem alr . the 3 of them is like a CLIQUE . den what am i , i'm just a fu shu pin of T ? wtf . they joke with her , play with her , wun i feel neglected ? it's like they 2 are centre of the clique and i must revolve ard them just like T does. F u . just because most of the guys like her she can do whatever she wants . bully T like nobody's business . just because T doesn't mind means she can keep on doing that right . u think i will follow whatever u do , wherever you go . i wouldn't . i'm not ur pet . i go whever i want , i do whatever i want to do . bu shuang with me ? fight la . u chioest in class , got ___ backing , so what ?
say what ? i doesn't talk in lecture. WOW ! i'm so studious man . guai kia seh me . whack u la , is u all never talk to me right . den what u want me to say . the 3 of u talking den i'm not so thick-skinned to butt in hor . and i realised i'm always sitting at the side-side . don't want sit with me jiu say to me , it's not like i will insist to sit with the 2 of u ? idiot .
and i don't believe T is a reliable friend , needless to say the rest of them . i'm so fricking angry and pissed off now , with a teeny weeny bit of disappointment . i don't trust them at all .
I don't like to feel neglected . I don't like to be an "Extra" . I don't want them to talk to me just because i helped them open and hold the door (u think i'm ur slave ?) and save them by giving them answers to some questions ? i'm not so fu qian . it's not like i can't survive without being with you .
even if i'm not ard , it doesn't make a difference anyway . i can feel that the sincerity is not there for me . in many cases, like small small things in daily life, syf period , etcetc . 3 can continue to , u know , carry on . if i go , maybe u will talk bad behind my back to everyone , maybe u don't care, maybe u will "hate" me , maybe u will leak out whatever "secrets" that i told u . But seriously, i . don't . really .care. if i made the decision , it seriously mean that i am prepared to face whatever consequences that may follow. laugh at me (wow) , diao me (wow), ignore me (wow ~) zz. i may feel sad, cause, we were friends . as in , if u did the following to me , it just means that u are not my fren isn't it ?
that's not how a clique should be . that's not the life that i want to lead in JC . hence, that's it .
i guess.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
♥
i have decided to change my url, and closed to public. What i need wasn't ppl's comments on my day.. what i neeed is a space for me to pour out my woes..
JC life is not easy at all. Besides studies, i still need to cope with CCA, relationship with others, which proved to be a challenge for me.
我不可能成为故事里的女生。 小说， 是我的最爱。 我最羡慕小说里的女主角， 但我不可能成为她，因为现实的生活是残酷的。
Saturday, April 11, 2009
♥
ilostmyphoneyesterday. ilostanyflickerofhopealr. theuncle nv call, noone pickupmycall. wth shd i do? my phone is not even1yr old. it's 6 motnhs old only!!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
♥
fine, attitude me all you want. like as if i care. if i had known, will i not bring it with me? u said it's not my fault, then? so? there's so much things that i never wanted to know. you know u that you just hurt me with that few simple words? "you were the one i trusted the most.." what do u want me to say? i know it takes time to build up trust, it's just that how can it possibly break when i dun even know the reason why?
反正都已经不相信了，我也没有必要再说什么。 你高兴就好。
眼泪，只能流一次。
sorry is no longer useful after the stab. i want to act strong can. i dun want to cry can. i dun want to feel sad can. i want to act mature can. But why does it hurts so much? to hear that she don't trust me anymore. i cann't bluff myself that she still trusts me, that our friendship is still standing strong, cos she made it so clear that we wun get to build up trust agn. sorry is never the word that i want to hear from her. i wan to let go gracefully can. she will have a different life. i can't bear to let go can. it's BITTER, CAN?
-----
i don't know why, sometimes i will feel the emptyness, and my mind will be filled with the moments in KSS. the CFN, SYF, 2a,4c.. i miss them so much.. i don't feel happy in my class. and not ultra happy in my new sch. i want to turn back time.. where i will go for recess with yunhui and jiaying, secretly eating during the morning assembly, listen to yunhui's act cute-ness, and and , shufen, joey, felicia.. i wonder if i made the right decision, despite the 2 months here, i just do not feel belonged.
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
♥
thank God, i have my friends around me, with me, accompanying me and giving me advice, strength and determination to carry on. Esp when i'm feeling lost or anything more than that, they are there by my side. i really love them alot. i think i must have done some charity in my previous life and i have them in this life. heh. there are bound to be things that do not go my way, that i do not like, or even things going against my wishes, but i learn from these, and be a better person, and i strengthen myself. to those that are always by my side, i am super grateful to u !! i seriously do not know what to do without them. hmm, PI ! MRP ! -dying dying- waaaaaaa, siao liao, dunno how to do siaaaa. helpppppppp !!!!
close one eye !
14march. 5march09331930.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
♥ MOURNING.
I HAVE NOT DONE ANY HOMEWORK AT ALL ! YEST WAS SPENT ON MOURNING OVER MY PHONE LOCK CODE. DD:Hmm, i played Mahjong yest and lost like hell. -.- It was a crappy day . Let's see, what homework do i have..
1. Maths Binomial tutorial.
2.Phy tutorial (which i don't plan to do -.- , i wun know how to do anyway.)
3.GP MRP.
YAY ! tmrw's MONDAY! MONDAY MEANS I CAN GO TO SCHOOL WITH WANXIN, ALICE AND YUTZE TO-GE-THER~ ! ^^ HEH.
Present is different from the past. I really have to learn to be independent and stop relying on others. D: Some friends can't be relied on; can't be trusted, but that doesn't mean that they are not my friends, it's just that i'm more cautious being ard them. Some friends can be relied on and can be trusted, they are my BFFs, and i enjoy being with them. ^^
要学会坚强！
Get into NYJ band.